LIFE's essence

All of us wish for happiness and peace. But what will get us

there? Many think it is material possessions. Many are

caught in the ‘If-then’ mode (“If only I had so-and-so, then I

would be happy”). And so, they postpone happiness in the

rush for new wants and wishes.

People often put the cart before the horse. We can equate the

horse to 'being happy' and the cart is 'things we want'. We

think that once we get things we want we'll be happy. But

Happiness comes first. It empowers us to acquire the rest.

Good health, good relationships and positive thoughts are

the only prerequisites for happiness.

Sometimes we do get it right, and are happy. But the

happiness is short-lived. We chase it away and rejoin the ratrace.

We also let small irritants cast a shadow over the big

moments. Jealousy, comparisons and unreal expectations

cause a lot of harm. Don't sweat the small stuff! Treasure

good things, good memories and let go of the rest. True

Happiness comes from within, and does not lie outside of us.

We can create a mind-set full of positive thoughts. Count our

blessings and enjoy the simple joy of being alive!

We are responsible for our own happiness.

The key to happiness is not that you

never get angry, upset, frustrated,

irritated or depressed;

it’s how fast you get out

of all this nonsense

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come

as a result of getting something we don’t have,

but it rather comes by recognizing and

appreciating all that we have

~ Frederick Keonig ~

Happiness is a perfume which

you cannot pour on someone without getting

some on yourself

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Hurting someone is as easy as cutting a

tree within a moment.

But making someone happy is like

growing a tree.

It takes a lot of time, care & patience

Spend a day shifting the focus from seeking love

and appreciation to offering love and appreciation

and it automatically will be the

happiest day of your life

Happiness depends on what you can give,

not on what you can get

~ Swami Chinmayananda ~

Want to make your home, workplace or

community a happier place?

Start by being happy yourself and your happiness will

be contagious.

~ Lucy MacDonald ~

Mind is the most powerful thing in the world.

One who has controlled his mind can

control anything in the world

~ Swami Vivekananda ~

Heaven has two gates, humility and contentment.

Hell has two gates, pride and greed

The result of anger is always more painful than the

reason for anger

God has given us 24 hours in a day. Surely, we can invest 30

minutes of the day in taking care of our health. The

investment will yield disproportionate returns. We need to

'just do it'!

Most human beings wish for better health, but are not able to

act on their wish. 'Knowing' and 'Doing' are two different

things. Many people worsen their health by doing

undesirable things in spite of knowing the result of their

actions. They prioritize other things and health falls by the

wayside.

So many people spend their health gaining wealth,

and then have to spend their wealth to

regain their health

~ Reb Materi

I can use weight as an indicator of what else is going

right or wrong in my life. So when I start adding a few

pounds, I start paying attention to what that means in

other areas

~ Charles Garfield ~

So many men – and increasingly more women – bear

tremendous physical demands and

elevated levels of stress. Their bodies warn them

for years before they have any big trouble

~ Charles Garfield ~

Best doctors in the world:

sunlight, water, rest, air, exercise, diet, family,

self confidence

Those who believe that they do not have time for

exercise, must understand that sooner or later, they

will have to give time to sickness

Relationships take an entire life to build, nurture and

maintain; but only a few seconds to break. They can neither

be bought nor sold.

I have seen many successful people build big businesses on

the foundation of very strong relationships

We need to have the mindset of a giver instead of a taker.

'Giving' gives us credibility. The beauty of life is that when we

give, we receive many times over. Genuine caring and giving

builds life-long relationships

I wish around

two thousand people every year on their special occasions;

be it birthdays or anniversaries. I send thank-you cards, share

books, articles, mails, and quotes with many of them.

My experience tells me that the best way to manage

relationships is to appreciate people, be honest with them;

and have an attitude of giving and utmost humility.

How do we do that? By connecting with our real self and by

listening. Listening is an extremely powerful binding force for

relationships. Personal meetings and direct communications

strengthen them further.

Laughter is the shortest distance

between two people

~ Victor Borge ~

The more arguments we win, the lesser friends

we will have

Through saying those three simple words,

“I forgive you,” lives and relationships

have been dramatically saved

again and again

~ John Gray ~

I have never gone to sleep with a grievance against

anyone. And, as far as I could,

I have never let anyone go to sleep

with a grievance against me

~ Abba Agathon ~

People will forget what you said, people will forget

what you did, but people will never forget

how you made them feel

~ Maya Angelou ~

You can make more friends by becoming

interested in other people than you can by trying to get

people interested in you

~ Dale Carnegie ~

A single finger which wipes out your tears

in your bad time is much better than

ten fingers which join hands & clap in your victory

Being good to people is some what similar

to being a goalkeeper. No matter how many goals you

save, people only remember the one you missed!

Leave your kids enough to do anything,

but not enough to do nothing!

~ Warren Buffet ~

Find some time for the dear ones in your life.

Else one day you will find time but not the dear ones

Bees that have honey in mouth have stings

in their tails. So be careful with those who

pretend to be sweet

The bitter hard reality of life is that when you

need advice, everyone is ready to

help you, but when you need help, everyone is ready to

advise you

Yes, wealth is very important; but it is not everything. No

amount of wealth is enough for people in blind pursuit of it.

Many relationships have been broken by the lure of gold.

My experience is that you don't have to compromise on your

health, relationships, and values. Sure enough, if we take

care of them, we actually are in a position to gain sustainable

wealth! No shortcuts will do.

There are so many people who have wealth, but very few

people who really enjoy it.

Let me also share that earning wealth and investing wealth

are two distinct activities and require different skill sets. Very

few people are good at both.

If you are born poor, it's not your mistake,

but if you die poor, it's your mistake

~ Bill Gates ~

Do not focus on how to spend less money,

instead, focus on how to earn

more money to spend

~ Ratan Tata ~

Always remember, money isn't

everything, but make sure that you've made

lots of it before talking such nonsense

~ Bill Gates ~

Being rich is having money,

being wealthy is having time

Silver in the hair is respected only when

gold is in the pocket

have seen many people who think and behave as if life

is work and work is life. They eat, sleep, and drink work,

work and only work.

Such an approach is fine if you have made peace with

yourself that work is the only thing that matters and you

truly enjoy work. Indeed, goal clarity is indispensable for

career-success. But, that is often not the case. Many

individuals are drifting through their careers and do not

succeed. What takes us far is focusing on priorities, team

building and effective delegation.

We must also differentiate between activity and

productivity. Stress and burn-out happens when we are

stuck in mundane activities. We must be mindful of this

distinction and keep a sense of proportion.

An important attribute of successful

people is their impatience with

negative thinking and negative acting people

He who stops being better, stops being good

~ Oliver Cromwell ~

There are no short cuts to any place

worth going

~ Beverly Sills ~

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get

what you’ve always gotten

~ Anthony Robbins ~

Most people decide emotionally and then

justify logically

Everything you want is just outside

your comfort zone

~ Robert Allen ~

H . A . L . T. Method for a successful life:

Never make a decision when you are -

Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired!

A fact of life is that very few people have well-defined goals.

Only 3% of people on this earth have well-defined, written

goals. Goal-setting – the process of getting crystal-clear

clarity on goals- is the most critical activity for individuals

and organizations.

Goals have to be SMART - Smart, Measurable, Achievable,

Realistic and Time-bound. It has become a cliché – accepted

but not practiced.

Goals should also make us stretch as only then will we build

capability and surpass our limits. We have to think big and

get out of our comfort zone.

When I was studying at the higher secondary level, my goal

was to be a chartered accountant. I achieved my goal and

became one. When we started the broking business, there

were thousands of brokers in the industry. Yet, we

ambitiously set ourselves a goal of being at the very top in

this competitive space. We achieved that within twenty

years.

The beauty about goals is that there is always something to

look forward to and achieve.

By recording your dreams and goals on paper,

you set in motion the process of

becoming the person you want to be

~ Mark Victor Hansen ~

The person who chases two rabbits

catches neither

~ Confucius ~

Begin with the end in mind
 

Obstacles are those frightful things

you see when you take your eyes

off your goal

~ Henry Ford ~
 

People never reach their goals because they

never set them in the first place.

They spend more time planning

a vacation than they do planning their

own lives

~ Denis Waitley ~

Think big, think fast, think ahead.

Ideas are no one's monopoly,

you do not require an invitation to

make profits

~ Dhirubhai Ambani

A goal without a deadline is not a goal but

it is a wish

I love the saying 'Where there is a will, there is a way'.

In our organization, we always look out for people who are

self-starters. Self-starters demand and take higher

responsibilities and get the freedom to fulfill them. They are

action-oriented and proactive. They are passionate about

what they do;

We should raise the bar continuously inch by inch. On our

own. And ignore the naysayer; the negative person

M y experience tells me that when we are in tough times,

we learn a lot. Tough times make us think differently and

innovate. Success is the result of many failures. In fact, real

business building happens in tough times. Many of our own

initiatives taken in tough times are highly successful. That's

why I once titled my internal communication 'Good times

make us strong, bad times make us stronger.' My favourite

quote is 'Tough times never last, but tough people do.'

The only people with no problems

are dead

You don’t become enormously successful

without encountering and overcoming

a number of extremely challenging

problems

~ Mark Victor Hansen

Don’t be afraid of difficulties.

Greet them, meet them

and beat them!

S uccess is the final outcome of our best efforts. I always

believe that if I put in my best efforts, I will succeed most of

the time.

We can control our efforts, not the outcome. So, success to

me is 'best efforts'.\

I always feel that a balanced approach works best for

sustained success. This approach gives importance to all

aspects- health, relationships, career, and knowledge. And

to me, success is true success only if it brings happiness.

When I interact with people, I encourage them to

understand their own strengths. I motivate them to move

on to higher responsibilities; even when they think they are

not ready for it. These people do very well. All that I do is to

show them the mirror, challenge them to aspire higher in

life, and reinforce their strengths and show faith

Success in life depends upon two important things:

 Vision: Seeing the Invisible &

Mission: Doing the Impossible

Success and excuses do not walk together.

If you want to give an excuse forget about

success, and if you want success do not

give an excuse

I do not believe in luck.

I work very hard. Whether it's my education - becoming a

chartered accountant, my health, business, or relationships; I

have put in my best efforts in all. That gives me selfsatisfaction.

In this complex and competitive world, hardworking people

get recognition. They are given their due. However, to work

hard does not mean the sheer number of hours. But it means

to work on the right activities.

As you go higher the definition of hard work changes. At

higher levels, it becomes more of working of the mind

–intellect, analytical rigor; rather than physical action. Many

people argue for smart work as opposed to hard work. In my

opinion, it is a combination of both.

When I start my yoga session, it is hard. It's tough to begin,

but when I finish, I feel very different and charged up. Hard

work causes pain at the start, but it gives disproportionate

gains in the long term.

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will

take care of themselves

~ Dale Carnegie ~

Hard work is like a staircase and luck is like a lift.

The lift may fail but, the staircase is sure

to take you to the top

There are no shortcuts to success in life. In this 'success-atall-

costs' world, many people compromise on their values;

but they do not go far. Whether it is paying taxes or being

transparent with customers, associates or family members;

values will make us trustworthy. It is my strong conviction

that following the right value system gives you tremendous

competitive advantage at the individual and organizational

level.

I have seen that people who compromise on their values get

short-term benefits, but in the long run, they are the biggest

losers. Their greed doesn't take them far.

If you live your values you will live a highly satisfying life.

The regrets we should have is not for the

wrong things we did; but for the right thin

F or the last 15-17 years my favorite reading time has been

between 5-6 am everyday and lots of time over the

weekends. In fact, my wife often inquires whether books are

my first wife or the second! That one hour out of twenty four

hours is the most productive and fulfilling for me. I have read

hundreds of books and articles this way.

And the book I am sharing with you is the result of my

reading. One has many things to read; but should select what

to read based on their own passion, liking and areas of

interest.

Though I am in the stock-market, I don't read books on

markets and investing. I read on leadership, management,

and self-motivation. I love to read about great lives- their

biographies are very inspiring and insightful.

I think this hunger for knowledge is the biggest

differentiating factor in today's cut-throat competitive

worl

L et me share an anecdote. Three frogs are sitting on a large

rock. Two decide to jump. So, how many frogs are left on the

rock? One, right? Wrong! Just because two frogs decide does

not mean they do! There is a gap between decision and

action. Knowing and doing are different things. Successful,

high energy people are good at both. They have a strong bias

for action.

The best time to plant a tree was 20

years back; the second best time

is today

An average plan vigorously executed is far better than

a brilliant plan on which nothing is done

~ Brian Tracy ~

There are two kinds of people –

those of words and those of deeds

If everything’s under control, you’re going

too slow

~ Mario Andretti ~

Take the first step in faith.

You don’t have to see the

whole staircase. Just take the first step

~ Martin Luther King Jr. ~

You will learn more about a road

by travelling it, rather than consulting all the

maps in the world

If you really want to do something,

you'll find a way.

If you don't,

you'll find an excuse

If your actions inspire others

to dream more, learn more,

do more and become more, you are

a leader!

~ John Quincy ~

The time is always right to do what

is right

~ Martin Luther King, Jr. ~

Patience in planning and impatience in execution

always creates miracles

prefer attitude over skills as attitude cannot be learnt;

but skills can be. I always use attitude as a gate-keeping

measure when I recruit persons or when I give higher

responsibilities. People of average or even below average

potential but with a great attitude can work magic with their

sheer attitude! A super talent with a poor attitude sinks to

the abyss, taking others along with him.

People with the right and positive attitude always rise higher

in life. They assume full responsibility for their actions and

consequences. They focus on solutions, and not problems

The size of man can be measured

by the size of the thing that

makes him angry

~ Rabindranath Tagore ~

Attitude

130

G od is very fair and democratic. He has given 24 hours to

every human being. But some people break records, and

some people break themselves and self-destruct.

One tool which I have found to be very important is Pareto's

law- that is prioritizing your activities and investing

maximum time on high-impact activities. Stephen Covey in

his book, 'Seven habits of highly effective people' has talked

about the 'urgent' v/s the 'important'.

I try to spend 5-10 minutes everyday to plan for the next day,

and also take out time to plan the entire week at a stretch.

This is the most productive action for me

I plan my daily schedule such that the most important

assignments and meetings are in most productive first half of

the day, while regular items are scheduled in the second half.

I maintain a list of pending action-points with priority

assigned to each.

My most ‘looked forward to’ time is between 5 and 6 am,

when I read followed by exercise time from 6 to 7 am. This

routine which I have followed for the last 15-17 years is the

best start to the day for me.

Seven habits of effective

 

Independence

The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (i.e., self-mastery):

1 - Be Proactive

roles and relationships in life. To have a can do attitude.

2 - Begin with the End in Mind

envision what you want in the future so that you know concretely what to make a reality.

3 - Put First Things First

A manager must manage his own person. Personally. And managers should implement activities that aim to reach the second habit. Covey says that habit two is the mental creation; habit three is the physical creation.

Interdependence

The next three habits talk about Interdependence (e.g. working with others):

4 - Think Chase-Chase

Genuine feelings for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten his way.

5 - Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Use empathic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, and positive problem solving.

6 - Synergize

Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone.

Continuous Improvements

The final habit is that of continuous improvement in both the personal and interpersonal spheres of influence.

7 - Sharpen the Saw

Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. It primarily emphasizes exercise for physical renewal, prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) and good reading for mental renewal. It also mentions service to society for spiritual renewal

Your life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.

Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are "response-able." They don't blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power--you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language--I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language--I can't, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do--they have no choice.

Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas--Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

So, what do you want to be when you grow up? That question may appear a little trite, but think about it for a moment. Are you--right now--who you want to be, what you dreamed you'd be, doing what you always wanted to do? Be honest. Sometimes people find themselves achieving victories that are empty--successes that have come at the expense of things that were far more valuable to them. If your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster. Habit 2 is based on imagination--the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) creation. The physical creation follows the mental, just as a building follows a blueprint. If you don't make a conscious effort to visualize who you are and what you want in life, then you empower other people and circumstances to shape you and your life by default. It's about connecting again with your own uniqueness and then defining the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which you can most happily express and fulfill yourself. Begin with the End in Mind means to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen. One of the best ways to incorporate Habit 2 into your life is to develop a Personal Mission Statement. It focuses on what you want to be and do. It is your plan for success. It reaffirms who you are, puts your goals in focus, and moves your ideas into the real world. Your mission statement makes you the leader of your own life. You create your own destiny and secure the future you envision.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

To live a more balanced existence, you have to recognize that not doing everything that comes along is okay. There's no need to overextend yourself. All it takes is realizing that it's all right to say no when necessary and then focus on your highest priorities. Habit 1 says, "You're in charge. You're the creator." Being proactive is about choice. Habit 2 is the first, or mental, creation. Beginning with the End in Mind is about vision. Habit 3 is the second creation, the physical creation. This habit is where Habits 1 and 2 come together. It happens day in and day out, moment-by-moment. It deals with many of the questions addressed in the field of time management. But that's not all it's about. Habit 3 is about life management as well--your purpose, values, roles, and priorities. What are "first things?" First things are those things you, personally, find of most worth. If you put first things first, you are organizing and managing time and events according to the personal priorities you established in Habit 2.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration. Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really? Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good! A person or organization that approaches conflicts with a win-win attitude possesses three vital character traits: Integrity: sticking with your true feelings, values, and commitments Maturity: expressing your ideas and feelings with courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of others Abundance Mentality: believing there is plenty for everyone Many people think in terms of either/or: either you're nice or you're tough. Win-win requires that you be both. It is a balancing act between courage and consideration. To go for win-win, you not only have to be empathic, but you also have to be confident. You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you also have to be brave. To do that--to achieve that balance between courage and consideration--is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to win-win.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right? If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. Do any of the following sound familiar? "Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way." "I had that same thing happen to me." "Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation." Because you so often listen autobiographically, you tend to respond in one of four ways: Evaluating: You judge and then either agree or disagree. Probing: You ask questions from your own frame of reference. Advising: You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems. Interpreting: You analyze others' motives and behaviors based on your own experiences. You might be saying, "Hey, now wait a minute. I'm just trying to relate to the person by drawing on my own experiences. Is that so bad?" In some situations, autobiographical responses may be appropriate, such as when another person specifically asks for help from your point of view or when there is already a very high level of trust in the relationship.

Habit 6: Synergize

To put it simply, synergy means "two heads are better than one." Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems. But it doesn't just happen on its own. It's a process, and through that process, people bring all their personal experience and expertise to the table. Together, they can produce far better results that they could individually. Synergy lets us discover jointly things we are much less likely to discover by ourselves. It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. One plus one equals three, or six, or sixty--you name it. When people begin to interact together genuinely, and they're open to each other's influence, they begin to gain new insight. The capability of inventing new approaches is increased exponentially because of differences. Valuing differences is what really drives synergy. Do you truly value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences among people? Or do you wish everyone would just agree with you so you could all get along? Many people mistake uniformity for unity; sameness for oneness. One word--boring! Differences should be seen as strengths, not weaknesses. They add zest to life. On the other hand, there are also habits that will lead you downhill; these are: React, begin with no end in mind, thin win-lose, put first things last, seek to talk then pretend to listen, don’t cooperate, and wear yourself out. As you can see habits can lead you in the right or wrong direc Chapter 2: The Personal Bank Account Your personal bank account is how you feel about yourself, so if you have a rich PBA, you are most likely to have a positive relationship with yourself, and if you are poor, you will probably go through a rollercoaster of emotions and will self-destruct easily.  So how do you get rich or poor?  The answer is through deposits and withdrawals. Deposits are when you earn and gain money, so it could be keeping promises to yourself, being honest, being kind, renewing yourself, and more. At the other end of the rope are withdrawals which are acts such as breaking personal promises, beating yourself up, neglecting your talents, etc. The book states that all deposits don’t always have to be big. For example, for one of my new year’s revolution I made a promise to myself to give up drinking soda, and I’ve kept the promise ever since. Keeping this promise makes me “richer” and feel better about myself. Although it may seem that being kind to others only benefits the person receiving the kindness, it can also makes the person doing the generous act feel great about themselves. One time at a restaurant, I found a phone under the table, and it hadn’t been long since the lady who had been sitting at our table had left, so I hurriedly ran to find her and gave her her phone. She checked to see if it was hers, and replied with a heartwarming thank you and a smile. This may seem like nothing to you, but I felt like I had saved the woman the trouble of coming all the way back to the restaurant to see if her phone was still there or even stolen. As you can see making PBA deposits leads to a better life! Also I found that the best way to avoid arguments is to say you’re sorry, so from now on I will say sorry and admit my mistakes, and if I do that, I know the other person will too. Withdrawals are acts such as breaking promises, keeping to yourself, gossiping, being arrogant, and setting false expectations. Setting false expectations can lead into disasters! This is like leading someone on because they truly believe in what you say. You may think listening is as easy as talking, but there are many steps to being a genuine listener. The first thing you must do is listen with your eyes, heart, and ears before opening your mouth. People want to be understood, and if they feel love and understanding from you, they’ll open up, but if you try to rush into the situation before knowing anything, they’ll feel let down. An example of selective listening would be like if my friend was telling me a problem she was having with her brother and how he was always annoying her when she is doing her homework, I might have just listened to the word homework and start a whole new conversation about tonight’s homework. This probably made my friend feel like I don’t care about her and felt like I ignored her when she needed me. To avoid these bad listening skills, the book states that when you are listening, don’t just listen to the words but feel the emotion they express and look at their body language to get the full meaning behind what they are trying to say. Also it is important to see the story from their point of view, and another tip that was mentioned was to practice mirroring. Mirroring is putting the person’s word into your own. This method is great because it really makes the other person feel like you’re listening and understanding them. Seeking to understand is very important but so it seeking to be understood; you have to make sure to give feedback after listening to someone. From now on, I will make a huge effort to be certain that I will listen to the people who need it, and by doing so I will also be making RBA deposits! You must plan your time in such a way that you set aside time for your own health and family. In fact, if I were to have just one training program for everyone on my team, it will be on time management. That's how critical it is. I have seen that small, trivial activities eat away time of most people and hold them back from tackling higher priorities. Telephone calls, emails, social networking sites, meetings – all turn out to be timewasters if we do not put them under the microscope. G od is very fair and democratic. He has given 24 hours to every human being. But some people break records, and some people break themselves and self-destruct. One tool which I have found to be very important is Pareto's law- that is prioritizing your activities and investing maximum time on high-impact activities. Stephen Covey in his book, 'Seven habits of highly effective people' has talked about the 'urgent' v/s the 'important'. I try to spend 5-10 minutes everyday to plan for the next day, and also take out time to plan the entire week at a stretch. This is the most productive action for me. You must plan your time in such a way that you set aside time for your own health and family. In fact, if I were to have just one training program for everyone on my team, it will be on time management. That's how critical it is. I have seen that small, trivial activities eat away time of most people and hold them back from tackling higher priorities. Telephone calls, emails, social networking sites, meetings – all turn out to be timewasters if we do not put them under the microscope. This is where leaders are differentiated from others. They are productive and wisely utilize their time. This vital trait alone separates the men from the boys. Think of any successful person and you will find out that he or she is extremely good at time management. The unsuccessful ones will always cite lack of time as a cover up. I plan my daily schedule such that the most important assignments and meetings are in most productive first half of the day, while regular items are scheduled in the second half. I maintain a list of pending action-points with priority assigned to each. My most ‘looked forward to’ time is between 5 and 6 am, when I read followed by exercise time from 6 to 7 am. This routine which I have followed for the last 15-17 years is the best start to the day for me. The quickest way to do so many things is to do only one thing at a time ~ Chanakya ~ The person who tries to do everything, accomplishes nothing Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise The telephone is one of the most effective time savers and also one of the biggest time wasters Much of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they started ~ David Allen ~ When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past. We always overestimate what we can do in one year but underestimate what we can do in 5 years ~ Peter Drucker ~ A good plan of today is better than a great plan of tomorrow 5 + 9 = 14 2 + 14 = 16 5 + 7 = 13 (Read the four sums above and comment) people will conclude that the last one is the wrong statistic. We are always in fault-finding mode. Three sums are right. One is wrong. But most people will mention only the wrong. There is a huge need for appreciation in our highly stressed world. Appreciation is such a powerful tool for relationships! Human beings love being complimented, appreciated, and their strengths being pointed out. They love simple words of appreciation like ‘Thank you’, ‘Keep it up’. They become motivated and charged to do better. We ought to overcome the mind-set of a fault-finding person. We must catch people 'doing the right things' rather than just 'doing things right' and applaud them! But somewhere we are stingy, about using appreciative words. As Mother Teresa said, “There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation; than for bread.” Our world is witness to so many conflicts and fights. There is lack of trust because people are always in the fault-finding mode, on ego trips and in the battle to prove that they are right. Children also require words of encouragement and appreciation to bring out their potential. I have seen many times that parents focus too much on the perceived weaknesses and deficiencies. This dents the child's confidence and stunts the child's growth. So many talents have been lost in this word due to this selfdefeating mindset. A word of appreciation is like a magic elixir for improving performance. Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important ~ Mary Kay Ash ~ Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself ~ Alen Strike ~ Look for the good in every person and every situation. You’ll almost always find it ~ Brian Tracy ~ A day without laughter is a day wasted ~ Charlie Chaplin ~ A word of encouragement during failure, is worth more than an hour of praise when you succeed Praise loudly blame softly Patience and politeness is not a person's weakness, it is a reflection of a person's inner strength We have lots of time to be on the phone but we don't have time to be with our spouse or children in-person. We have time for our happy customers, but no time to spare for the unhappy ones. We are ever-ready to offer advice to a lot of associates, but no time to listen to their feedback. But there are people who know how to use communication skills to their advantage. Public speaking is a critical skill to master for any budding leader. Being excellent in oral and written communication is a precondition for success. Another important skill is to have a style of communication that has humor. Words spoken with a smile will always bring better results. In my experience, face-to-face communication is more important than any other communication. This is because the tone, the body language, the words- all can be perceived directly in face-to-face communication. When someone criticizes us, it's time to evaluate ourselves. When someone praises us, its time to evaluate them! Be careful in your thoughts when you are alone and be careful in your words when you are in a crowd The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said ~ Peter Drucker ~ The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting momen Never underestimate the power of your tongue. If not held tight and managed properly, this softest organ of your body could be responsible for the hardest phase of your life Your success over a lifetime will be more directly linked to your writing and speaking skills - Peter Drucker In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change Communication Good presentations have a persuasive opening and killer closing. In the middle, you find a body supported by powerful stories, facts, exercises, and quotes ~ Lorri Vaughter Allen ~ Argument is bad. But discussion is good. Arguments find out ‘who’ is right. Discussions find out ‘what’ is right 90% of life’s problems are due to the tone of voice. It is not what we say, it is how we say it that creates problems Most people see what they want to see and they hear what they want to hear You’re not fully dressed until you wear a smile If one can listen to others without likes, dislikes, anger, greed or prejudice, wordless wisdom starts flowing into our lives During arguments, Intelligent people use silence and stupid people use their tongue. During discussions, intelligent people use their tongue and stupid people use silence If society has given you everything that you desired; shouldn't you ask the question- “What can I give back?” I feel it is my duty to give something back to society without expectation of any return. I have seen lots of people donate money, but they ask for something in return. That is business, not charity There is nothing as satisfying as giving back. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a small word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring - all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~ Leo Buscaglia ~ Motivate those around you and they will eventually live up to the expectations. Put them down and they have no reason to be any better When you are right, there’s no need to be angry, When you are wrong, you have no right to be angry

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have--you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. Here are some examples of activities: Physical: Beneficial eating, exercising, and resting Social/Emotional: Making social and meaningful connections with others Mental: Learning, reading, writing, and teaching Spiritual: Spending time in nature, expanding spiritual self through meditation, music, art, prayer, or service As you renew yourself in each of the four areas, you create growth and change in your life. Sharpen the Saw keeps you fresh so you can continue to practice the other six habits. You increase your capacity to produce and handle the challenges around you. Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. Not a pretty picture, is it? Feeling good doesn't just happen. Living a life in balance means taking the necessary time to renew yourself. It's all up to you. You can renew yourself through relaxation. Or you can totally burn yourself out by overdoing everything. You can pamper yourself mentally and spiritually. Or you can go through life oblivious to your well-being. You can experience vibrant energy. Or you can procrastinate and miss out on the benefits of good health and exercise. You can revitalize yourself and face a new day in peace and harmony. Or you can wake up in the morning full of apathy because your get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone. Just remember that every day provides a new opportunity for renewal--a new opportunity to recharge yourself instead of hitting the wall. All it takes is the desire, knowledge, and skill.

These habits are: Be proactive, Begin with the end in mind, Put first things first, think win-win, Seek to understand, Then to be understood, synergize, and sharpen the saw.

How to make your speech funny or light ?

 

One, his jokes were funny but they weren’t his; he’d lifted them off the Internet.

Two, his funny stories were about an audience’s least favorite topic — the speaker. And three, his speech didn’t have a message.

Formula One: The First 10 Seconds The second you’re introduced, you can go for your first observational laugh by thanking the emcee and pointing out an obvious (and positive) feature about him or her. One time, my emcee had a deep voice. As I walked onstage, I looked right at him and said, “Thank you, Tom. That was a great intro. Let’s give him a hand. (Applause) You have a beautiful voice. I realize now it was you who played Darth Vader.”

You can pretty much ask the audience to applaud anything — and they will. “Let’s have some applause for the dessert chef who gave us cake and pie!”

or your spontaneous moment, consider the following examples: “Let’s have some applause for …”

•The guy who just fixed the air conditioning, the clogged toilet or the microphone that was squealing a moment before.
•The generous bartender from the party last night.
•The guy on the spotlight who is awake and able to follow me.
•The audience, for surviving three days of meetings.
•The people from Canada, for always being so nice.

“If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say it.” And never, ever diss the person who signs your check.

Formula Two: You Are the Joke Make fun of what the audience is looking at — you! Let’s face it, when a speaker steps onstage, he faces an inherent hostility toward “know-it-alls.” The best way to curb that judgment is to engage in some light-hearted self-mockery. Having the guts to get a laugh at your own expense not only creates laughter, it creates likeability.

Here are a few steps to make light of yourself for laughs:

sing the lists above, fill in the “I know what you’re thinking” formula: Say “I know what you’re thinking,” act out what the audience is thinking, and then give the advantages of what you’re poking fun of. For instance: “I know what you are thinking. ‘Does she realize her hair’s the same color as a bag of Cheetos?’ Well, there are advantages to having bright orange hair. On the weekends I donate my head to guide planes into the gates at the airport

Formula Three: The Mash-Up
This formula is excerpted from my forthcoming book, The Message of You: Turn Your Life Story into a Money-Making Speaking Career.

It’s hard to listen to speakers who drone on and on with lists of information that don’t include a laugh. “I’m from blah blah, I went to school in blah, blah, and I got a degree in blah, blah.” Boring! This is a lost opportunity for a laugh! Here is a way to introduce your credentials that I call “The Mash-Up.” Let’s say you want to tell the audience you’re a nurse and a stand-up comic. All you have to do is add the words “so that means I …” and then add the mash-up of the stereotype.

Let’s do some brainstorming:
Make a list of your ethnicity, parents’ nationalities, your hobbies and your current and past professions.

Pick two of the items you wrote and insert them into the following formula:

“You may not know this, but I’m ______________ and _____________ (or “I’m part this and part that”), so that means I ___________________________.”

For example, “My father is from New York and my mom’s from Texas, so that means … I like my bagels with gravy.” Or,

“I have a degree in astronomy and I’m an actress, so that means … I know exactly why the sun revolves around me.”

Formula Four: The List of Three Three is a magic number in comedy. Using the “List of Three” formula, a comic sets up a pattern with two serious ideas, and then adds a twist on the third. For this formula to work, it’s an absolute necessity that your first two statements be real and serious. You want to lead the audience down a path of sincerity and then surprise them with a joke! You never want them to see the funny coming. The surprise is what makes people laugh. Two easy ways to set up this formula are “Big- Big-Small” and “Small-Small-Big.”

Set Up: Big-Big-Small
“It’s a scary world out there: We’ve got terrorism, the war in Iraq, and ... Lindsay Lohan is out of jail.”

Set Up: Small-Small-Big
“There are three subtle clues that your marriage might be over: You’ve stopped sending each other love notes. You’re not kissing as much. Your husband’s new girlfriend has issued a restraining order.”

Because humor is such a powerful emotion, it is a good idea to understand (if that is possible), the psychological basis of humor. More specifically, what makes laughter and the humorous situation "work". Your assignment, from now on, is, when you hear people laugh, to ask yourself, "Why did they laugh"? This attention will sharpen your skills at recognizing possible material for your own use and help you get a feeling for what makes humor work.

•Make a list of obvious physical attributes that an audience will notice when you walk onstage; for example: your weight, hairline, age, gender or clothes. Choose something that could be seen as a negative trait. That expanding waistline? It’s your punch line! Anything that makes you different can be comedy gold. sing the lists above, fill in the “I know what you’re thinking” formula: Say “I know what you’re thinking,” act out what the audience is thinking, and then give the advantages of what you’re poking fun of. For instance: “I know what you are thinking. ‘Does she realize her hair’s the same color as a bag of Cheetos?’ Well, there are advantages to having bright orange hair. On the weekends I donate my head to guide planes into the gates at the airport

Play it safe, use self effacing humor.